Conspiracy Wednesday: Behind the Lies of Mario

On a previous installment of “VGLounges: Behind the Lies”, we uncovered the truth about Prince Peach, but the skeletons in her closet aren’t the only secrets within the Mushroom Kingdom. There’s a secret that’s been kept hidden because it damages the very image of the Mushroom Kingdom, that their legendary hero, Mario, is an alcohol abuser. Princess Peach has done everything in her power to keep this PR nightmare hidden from the people but all secrets come to light eventually.

Mario’s problem first became noticeable back around the time of his long standing feud with Donkey Kong. The two icons had little to nothing in common except their appreciation for a good beer. At the time, the two were the only drinkers in the Mushroom Kingdom and it formed a bond between them that would turn enemies into friends. For Donkey Kong, it was just him having a little recreational fun. For Mario, it became more than that, he began to depend on the alcohol to get through even the easiest of problems.

According to an eye witness the requested to remain anonymous, Mario is not as naturally brave as everyone thinks. This witness testifies that Mario used alcohol as a means to increase his courage levels when faced with serious adversities. His problem became worse when Bowser began to kidnap Peach on a near weekly basis. Charged with the task of traveling the lands and fighting countless enemies who’s sole mission was his destruction, Mario would hit the bottle hard and very often in order to maintain his confidence in his never ending war with the King of Koopas.

Reports are stating that Mario has finally corrupted his younger brother and that Luigi is now also addicted to the brew. Recent pictures have been leaked online of a drunk Luigi so hammered that he traveled to an old abandoned mansion and tried to fight ghosts with a vacuum cleaner. Maybe one day Mario will finally get the help he needs and then he can truly rescue his brother before Luigi travels further down the same path.

I’m city_limits, and this has been another installement of VGLounge’s Behind the Lies.

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